Luke has soccer this fall, and he practices down the lake. Every time I go I pass by your place.

Sometimes I think how it would have been great to be able to pop in to say hello on the way there or back, or invite you to a game. Then I feel guilty because I probably would never have invited you ... I always felt so awkward asking (or expecting) you to give up your time for a silly kids activity.

And then I just feel sad. I give anything to be able to have more time with you. Either now or in the past. How did I miss so many opportunities before, and how can it possibly be that I'm out of opportunities now? It just doesn't make sense.

Maybe I'm gonna write a book.

Who is going to edit it?

We are back at it! We sent these back and forth for so long. I'm pretty sure you unsubscribed long before I did ... but I finally did.

Then I signed up for tickets for the Ohio rally and I'm back on the list. Do I keep getting mad about them, with nobody to share them with? Do I unsubscribe? Tell me what to do.

I can't believe I'm still doing this ... how many years later? I just registered for tickets to the Ohio Trump rally. They're not making me put your name in as the second ticket anymore. I wonder if you ever unsubscribed from his emails.

Tomorrow is the Stan's donut 5K! I am terrified. Not only because I'm not sure how to run with three kids, but because I have to do this without you. And that's literally why I'm doing it… But the thought of doing it really hits hard. I miss you.

I watched all of season three of "Never Have I Ever" in about 10 minutes.

Ok, it wasn't 10 minutes. But I spent all of the last two days tearing through it. Her journey has been hard to watch as she faces a similar struggle. Obviously she faces that struggle with so much more humor and so much better luck (three boys in love with her? Sheesh) but the message is still the same.

She just spent three years healing from the traumatic loss of her father. Over those years she hyper focuses and obsesses over a ton of things, to finally learn that are no guarantees in life and the present is a too precious to waste.

You, I think, sort of understood this message. I didn't get it until I was losing you ... and by then I was also missing out on the present as well.

In a condensed three season show we watch her grieve for three years. But while grieving she's surrounded by a supportive and loving family, amazing friends, multiple romantic interests, a wise therapist, and even educators that constantly seek to both push and protect her. I had none of that as a teen and have none of that now. Between those points I had you.

So while I understand how crucial it is to live in the present, it's hard to accept that my present it was it is. Leaving it to a teen rom-com drama to tear me up. Ha. This one just really hits so close to home and I'm sad we didn't get to talk about this season together. I know you would have loved it.

I'm trying to convince Jeff to get another puppy. A dog for the dog. He says he doesn't "have the bandwidth" for another dog. I know that you'd agree with me that he's a big jerk, while also simultaneously try to spew some rational wisdom into my head. I miss having you to talk to.