Gosh I miss you so much today. It's at that point where the initial period is past ... that shock period. And now everyday I just have to remind myself it's real. You're really not coming back. That's impossibly hard to swallow.

I forgot to tell you. Eliot is looking good! He was cuddly and lovey and Brooke snapped a pic. He's handsome as ever.

Went by your place tonight so Brooke could snoop through your jewelry. She took three things: a pair of Dino earrings, a sparkly "fancy" necklace and that watch Jim gave you. They were very intentional picks, and she didn't even know how much you were really into watches. On the way back I talked to her about your love of watches (glossing over where that one came from) and how you always had one. I could tell that made her feel very happy she chose it. I'm glad she is collecting and keeping little pieces of you.

Brooke and I went to a farmers market this morning. There was a woman that made jewelry out of books. All I could think about was how much you'd love that idea. Then we found this charm, and I cried. Would I have thought about getting it for you last summer? I don't know. But today? I wanted to get it for you so bad. All I can think about is what I could have done with more time. What I could/would have done differently. I think all the way back to our childhood and regret not pushing more for us to develop our relationship, all the way up to your last few days. Would this charm change anything? It's hard to keep seeing things that make me filled with regret instead of joy. I hope someday that changes.